I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
