Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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