You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
