Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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