how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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