I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
