Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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