Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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