Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
