This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
