Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
