Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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