Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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