i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
