Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
