She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
