the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
