I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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