I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
