So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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