I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
