I want to have your abortion
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came so hard my ears popped.
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