At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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