I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
