and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
