this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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