when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
