my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize