Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
