I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
