Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is an emotional support booty call
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
