Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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