Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
