I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
