she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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