My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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