we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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