If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
