How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
