Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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