# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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