Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
