he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i barfeds in our rink
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
