he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
