We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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