You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
