I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
