Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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