So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize