just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
