Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
