Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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