On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize