dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
