Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
