i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
