Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
