i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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