Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
