And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
