I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
