take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
