just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
