where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
