HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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