your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
