no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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