i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize