god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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