Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize