is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
