I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
