Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
