i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
