The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
