Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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