My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So vagazzling was a success
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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